Divorce is ugly

The days may feel bleak with no light or peace, the constant turmoil of swirling emotions, and  all-consuming thoughts of did I make the right choice? Nothing right now is easy, your mind is foggy and you feel out of control. It is hard to concentrate, see things as they are, or feel ok. It is ok to not be ok during this season. Divorce is a complete destruction of everything you once were familiar with becoming undone. It is the forceful ripping of two people that became one apart. It is a physical, spiritual, emotional and mental pain like no other.

This day take today and try to live in the present, with one foot in front of the other. Breathe and start letting go of it all and let God (your higher power) in to heal all that is broken inside of you. It is not a sprint, there is not a timeframe to healing or feeling ok, there is only you and how you need to heal. God has a plan and purpose for your life to do you good not harm. He is not running away from you during this time but toward you. He is not looking at you with disapproval or judgement, he is loving you even as you sit in this pile of rubble from your life at the ready to rebuild.

God is ready to bring you back home, he knows exactly what he is doing and will not abandon you and when you call on Him, he is always there. He will take this divorce destruction and turn it around for your good. Lean in on Him and ask him to show you those gaping wounds you sit with and allow the healing to start. It takes time and you will not be able to address everything at once, so be gracious with yourself.

Jeremiah 29:10-14 The New King James version

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BE A WOMAN a MAN needs….. not a Woman that NEEDS A MAN

 

 

For some reason in my healing post divorce, this quote really resinates with me now when I think about new relationships. I feel that we as women can spend way to much time trying to find a good man, better man, hot man ___fill in the blank for your desire, but if we would just be ourselves, the right man would find us. Isn’t that the truth? We no longer need to conform to what others think we should be but just be. We are ever changing, learning and growing so there inlies who we become and who we were meant to be. A man would be so very lucky to be with us.

This crazied holiday season I want you to look in the mirror and appreciate yourself in all your glory! Give yourself some positive self talk, grace and love!

 

Hugs, 

Joy

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Hello- Anyone out there!

Do you ever feel like you are yelling at the top of your lungs and no one is listening.. everyone is going about their lives content and inwardly focused rather than outwardly focused blind to what’s right in front of their path? I am having one of those moments right now, when I am hiper aware of surrounding people and places and everyone is honking, looking at phone, cussing at traffic, or screaming at their kids.. um.. .hello people where are you? Last I checked we live on earth where connections are very important.

Days like today, I get a bit worried that our society is never gonna look up again and we will all get lost in a black hole.

Lets look around us and start building relationships, lifting people up rather than tearing down, hugging rather than hitting… WAKE UP!

That is my soap box today.. for what its worth.
Hugs,
Joy

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What do you do with the END OF THE DAY energy?

I have all this energy… I want to share with someone.. but at this time I do not have that “special” someone to share it with. I say this because it is a common thing after divorce … and leads to a bit of a rebellion spirit. I combat this irritation with a lot of in home dancing or leg lifts and squats and if I had kick boxing, I would really dig that! I will say I am grateful to all my friends and new digs really feeling the luv.

NOTE TO SELF
Find yourself, find a hobby and enjoy your alone time… because this too will not last forever.

Hugs, joy

 

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BE YOU and Amazing things HAPPEN!

It has been a while since I have “Blogged” frankly just took a time out to reflect and determine if what I have to say has value to anyones life.

In my DivorceCare class this term it has been a challenging one; reminding me how special and how fragile each of us truly are.  

 

There are so many beautiful things unseen in the midst of divorce…. we are in pain, shock, disbelief, anger! All the while, society tricks us unto thinking we should be perfectly fine within X timeframe… let me just say NO that is not the case. We each are healing at different rates and go through changes and tragegy in different manners and no one really has that insight except you. We have to face our demons head on… what we did right, wrong or need to work on for our future. We have to give ourselves some grace and forgive ourselves of our mistakes…lessons now have been learned and that is part of our life journey. How much honesty we are willing to reflect on determines how much healing we get through. Denial gets us nowhere!

I have been on this divorced journey for 4+ years and let me tell you that I have seen the worst of myself and the best of myself. You to can walk through the fear of indesicion and self inflicted hate and become alive. I am now at the point where being by myself is ok, nice even. I’m content.

I encourage you to take the mirror out and look at all the beauty you have to offer and repeat 10x daily. Give yourself some love, you are ok! You are just enough and beautiful in your own right.

BIG HUGS, Joy

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DON’T UNDERESTIMATE PRAYER POWER

NEVER EVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF PRAYER! When you are at the bottom of a situation not sure how you are going to crawl out, it is imperative that you look beyond YOU for help. Prayer is a source of strength and restoration in all times of life not just bad or desperate times but even in good times it keeps you focused and balanced.

These past three months I have really focused on PRAYER in my life and made it a point to pray with, for and about those in my life friend or foe. I have realized I am not the source of strength nor am I the go to person…. it is my light or the strength of God which shines through me that is what it is about. God has never let me down or left me out or ignored me…

Yesterday was a pivotal DAY in my life- I could not do anything, I am human I am helpless and when you get the call from a friend about a possible suicide situation regarding a participant from someone you cared for in your divorce recovery group- it changes the way you think about yourself and ya know some situations are beyond your control. However they are not beyond Gods control or wisdom!

I am very grateful- no one died yesterday because they felt lost, unloved or upset….

Hugs, TRUST IN THE ONE WHO MADE YOU

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BE BEAUTIFUL -BE STRONG-BE YOURSELF

That’s Right I said it! Be BEAUTIFUL! BE YOU!

You are more than a broken sad person .. that is just a temporary station in your life right now. If you peel away these sad hurt layers you are a shinning diamond. You will recover, you will rejoice in life and love again there is always hope..

I was talking to a special friend of mine and he is the most positive and encouraging person ever and he said to delight in all YOU are and celebrate the victories that you have achieved in your life… it does not mean that people are always willing to see it or appreciate it but you have to shout it out from the roof tops because that is who you are, and you are YOU and God made you wonderful and glorious.

When we look at ourselves we have to see ourselves through an honest filter- not from how others view us, sometimes not even from how we view ourselves but how God views us- we are wonderfully made.

Self acceptance is a hard road to walk but when you accept yourself for who you are and stop trying to be someone else- you are free of those boundaries and can be all you were meant to become.
hugs
j

This message is dedicated to J.R. Martinez who never ceases to amaze and dazzle me with his light.

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Are you an inspiriation or an irritation?

Do you find yourself in a toxic relationship where you feel exhausted and frustrated but not quite sure how you got there? Or do you feel like all you do is support- support- support but one day you look down to find one of your own legs are missing. This happens a lot in relationships, friendships, families – Where one person gives and the other takes and the hard part is finding the balance or right person where both give and receive. It is not an exact science but if both people are looking to serve the other than somehow it balances out.

I really have spent some time after my divorce to assess 1. where I fall in on the scale of balance and what type of people I need to surround myself with and what types I do not. 2. where am I going on this new life journey (post divorce) and how do I get there. 3. I want to be around positive people who inspire me to be the best I can be and better than I thought. As opposed to the people who always need something from you and suck you dry and are never satisfied! Where do you fall on the scale of balance with others?

This is a great question, because I find through the course of my life it may change on occasion and I always have to make sure I am being true to who I am as a person and as an adult. I do not always get my way nor do I demand of others but it comes down to protection. To protect your values, your character and surround yourself with those that support that. I am not saying to live in a bubble, I am just saying some people have bad boundaries on whom they share the personal details of their life with and it can get really messy trying to hold everyone else up.

Take heart- get your journal out and note what you need from others and what you need from yourself.
Ciao-

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DO the RAIN DANCE

When all else fails throw your arms up and dance in the midst of the rain… enjoy the storm as it passes over you.

Life is full of storms by way of challenges, obstacles and hard roads. A storm is what makes us better, stronger, more amazing than we were the day before. One thing about storms is that they pass. They are temporary!!!!! They are not always as big as we feel like or as they initially appear; but they move through our life and shake it up and make us crazy but then over time once they pass, we realize we are propelled to a better self through the discovery of who we truly were meant to become.

Life is a journey and has a lot of joy to offer but on occasion we have to suffer through… so get your rain boots out and jump in those puddles.

Many Hugs

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WE BEND NOT BREAK!

These words hit home for me- in the midst of turmoil you feel like your world is coming down around you. You are sad, overwhelmed, stressed, and shocked. I can say that after four years of the healing process and various stages of loss; I now feel such peace and positiveness about where my life is taking me. There is sun in my future and I hope you can see the rays behind the clouds.

I just have been reflecting on my journey to now- I would never have ended up here.. new career, new city, new opportunities and new lease on life. These struggles have shaped me into the strong, determined, positive, loving woman I am today, without them I would be a follower rather than a doer. I seek and I find all the love God has for me to have. JUST OPEN THE DOOR AND WALK THROUGH even if you cannot see what is ahead. It is right there for us to take.

Loving yourself through the trials life throws at us is a hard journey and one that is not for the weak hearted. We do not break! WE BEND we become flexible through life’s storms and the valleys make those peaks glisten.

Glisten Forth-
Joy

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